People often ask me: How does adoption actually work in the United States? And while every adoption story is unique, there’s one thing I always repeat: adoption is a legal process through which a family is formed.
Yes, it’s a legal process, with documents, hearings, and a judge, but it’s also a deeply emotional one. Behind every signature, form, and hearing, there’s an immense desire to love, nurture, and provide stability and belonging, to become a family.
It’s simply a different way to arrive at motherhood or fatherhood, but with the same love and commitment.
It’s estimated that in the United States more than 80,000 adoptions take place every yearSome adoptions are for newborn babies, others are for kids already in the foster care system, and some happen internationally. I should mention, this estimated info doesn't include relative adoptions or stepparent adoptions, those are also adoption processes, but they just follow a slightly different legal process.
Every single type of adoption has its own process, timelines, and requirements. But here's the main takeaway: once any adoption is finalized, the judge gives the adoptive parents all the same legal rights and responsibilities as a birth parent. From that moment on, the family is legally official, and the birth parents' rights are legally ended.
There are different adoption processes, and each one has its own characteristics.
💛 Private or Domestic Adoption: This process takes place within the country, usually with the help of an agency or attorney, and often the biological parents choose the adoptive family directly.
💛 International Adoption (Intercountry Adoption): The process happens in another country and is typically a bit longer and more expensive, mainly due to immigration procedures, travel, and documentation.
💛 Adoption from the Foster Care System: The goal of this process is to provide a permanent home for children who are under the state’s care. This option is usually the most financially accessible, and in many cases, the state covers part or all of the expenses.
Within these types of adoption, there are also levels of relationship with the biological family:
Open Adoption: The adoptive and biological families maintain some form of contact, either directly or through letters, photos, or visits.
Semi-Open Adoption: Communication between the two families goes through the adoption agency, and there are agreed-upon conditions for contact.
Closed Adoption: There is no exchange of information or contact after the adoption is finalized.
Not only is every adoption process unique, but every story is distinct, so there is no one correct formula; the child’s well-being is always the most important thing.
When people hear our adoption story, they generally have a lot of questions, some are just curious, others are genuinely trying to learn more about the adoption process.
One of the most common questions is:“How much does it cost to adopt?”
The answer depends on the type of adoption. In private or international adoptions, the costs can vary widely, generally between $10,000 and $50,000 USD, depending on the situation. The average is often close to $30,000 for a domestic adoption and can be higher for international ones.
But I think it’s important to mention that there are grants, tax credits, loans, and even crowdfunding has become popular recently, all of which can help cover the costs.
Adoption through the foster care system is usually much more affordable, and in many cases, the state may cover part or even the entirety of the expenses.
Another frequent question is“Can anyone adopt?”?”
The short answer is: almost anyone. The requirements vary slightly by state, but in general, anyone who is an adult, has no criminal record, and can demonstrate the financial and emotional stability to provide a safe and loving home can adopt.
Adoption is not a quick or simple process. On average, a domestic adoption can take between 12 and 24 months; international adoptions take around 18 months or more; and adoption through the state takes between 9 and 18 months once temporary custody of the child is received. It is a process full of emotion, patience, and uncertainty, but also hope and transformation.
For me, our adoption processes were some of the most transformative experiences of my life. Not only because I became a mother, but because they opened my heart and my understanding to people and situations I hadn't known before.
For us, the adoption wasn't just about the paperwork; it was the final, meaningful moment that truly sealed our family.
If you've ever been curious or wondered where to start, I hope this helps you understand this beautiful, complex world a little better.
My best advice? Find an agency that you trust to walk with you, get informed, ask questions, and most of all, just trust the process.
And if you know someone who's looking to start a family this way, don't hesitate to reach out to them, loved ones are a huge part of making it through this journey. 💛
Melli
