Five months passed from that Tuesday when we got the phone call that sent us running to the hospital, the one that announced our daughter’s birth (I share more about that [here]) to the day we sat in court in front of the judge.
Five months of adapting, of getting to know ourselves as individual parents, of learning how to be a couple with a baby, of internal and external questions, of discovering a new kind of exhaustion… and of discovering a new kind of love. The kind of love that makes your own self take a back seat, because for the first time, there’s someone in the world who takes priority, who depends on you.
Our First Months as a Family
Those first few months at home felt surreal. Everything that had happened the month before felt like a fairytale. That first week, we had a hard time letting go of our touch time routine.. We pretty much carried her all the time, kangaroo-style.The baby carrier quickly became essential.
There were no more machines, no alarms, no hospital gowns, it was just the three of us and our dog at home. But somehow, that first week we still measured her belly, checked her temperature, and watched her while she slept, just to make sure she was breathing.
It was a time of learning. Learning her rhythm, decoding every little sound and need. And, like any first-time mom, I was also learning about myself, wondering if I was doing it right, listening to that quiet maternal instinct as it began to speak, creating routines and systems I’d never thought about before, and learning how to balance our time between being parents and being partners.
I remember that, at the beginning, I had to adjust to the fact that my husband was a very hands on, committed father. My grandmother would tell me how lucky I was that he changed diapers, that back in her days, that wasn’t common. And I saw it as completely normal. She was our daughter, after all. Still, I won’t lie, there were times when we had silly disagreements about the baby, and part of me wished he wasn’t so involved.
For example, when it came to feeding, we were incredibly blessed that my sister donated breast milk for the baby. After we were discharged from the NICU, our daughter was exclusively on breast milk for the first three months, and her growth was amazing. During the day, when we saw my sister, she would nurse her, and at night, we would thaw the milk she had given us and feed it to her in a bottle.
Well… in those mid night feedings, when you’re half-asleep and half-awake, I remember my husband and I would always argue about how warm the milk should be. And in my head I’d think: “Why is he waking up? He should just let me handle it. I’m the mom.” Three years later, with our second child, our rutine was different and my inner dialogue had changed: “He should wake up… he’s the dad too.”
The Last Home Study Visit
I remember our first home visit was a few weeks after the birth. Since our baby was born premature, the social worker came to the hospital. We talked a little about how we were feeling as new parents and what our routine was like with the baby. But at that point, there wasn’t much to say, she was still in the NICU, and our interactions with her were limited.
But this time, the last visit, we had already been home for a few weeks. The goal of this visit was to see how we were adjusting as a family, to share about our pediatrician visits, her development, and how we were doing as a family unit.
I remember sitting down for what felt like part interview, part therapy. I’m not sure how to describe it. One of those conversations where you feel like you’re opening up, but still thinking twice about how you say things so they come out the way you really mean them.
It was a bit of an emotional goodbye. I had grown very fond of our social worker. She had been with us from the beginning of the process, knew our story, and had shared in the joy of this journey with us. But I won’t lie... I was happy to know that this was our final visit.
People's questions and comments.
At first, not many people knew we were pursuing adoption. And once our baby arrived, we were blessed to receive so much love from family and friends. But with that also came conversations and comments, some beautiful, others more uncomfortable.
The most common reaction was genuine curiosity, people wanting to understand how everything had happened. Other times, without meaning to and I know they didn’t mean harm people said things that upset me.
Like, for example:
“You’ll see, now that you’ve adopted, you’ll probably get pregnant and finally have a baby of your own.”
And I’d smile, quietly annoyed, and reply: “I already have my own baby.”
Another common one:
“Why can’t you have children of your own? You should’ve tried fertility treatments.”
And I’d think: Eso no es problema tuyo… But I’d take a deep breath and say: “We liked this path better.”.
I have so many stories like that. Comments I know weren’t meant to hurt, but that showed me part of my journey would also be about gently educating others. Helping change the narrative. Realizing that people who haven’t walked this road can’t see it the way I do. And wanting, in some small way, to show that adoption is not a last resort, it’s a beautiful way to build a family born from love.
We Sat in Front of the Judge
And finally, the day came. It was our first time in court, a totally new experience. We were joined by our attorney and my family. We entered the courtroom, gave our information, and sat down to wait for our turn. We felt a mix of nerves and excitement, trying to take it all in… while feeding the baby at the same time.
After about 30 minutes, they called us in. We all entered the room and sat around a large table, us on one side, our family on the other, and the judge in front of us.
She began to speak. She told us how much she enjoyed handling adoption cases. She explained that adoption is forever, read us a few legal statements… and then she asked:
“Do you accept this baby as your daughter for life?”
With tears in our eyes and a lump in our throats, we answered:
"Yes, WE DO"
In between applauses and tears, we signed the paperwork. It was such an emotional moment. We had already accepted being a family since that very first meeting with the agency, and then again that night we met her in the NICU. The very first moment we saw her.
She was our daughter, and we would love her forever. We didn’t need a judge’s ruling to feel that, but having it made the legal part complete, and gave us a deep sense of peace. One that felt like the final seal on a story that had begun with a decision rooted in unconditional love.
From May to January: Choosing Love, Again and Again
From that conversation in May, (I share more about that [here]) when we decided to walk the path of adoption, to that January day when we sat before the judge, we lived a story that transformed us, that taught us so much, and that made our dream of becoming parents come true.
It wasn’t a straight or easy path, but it was filled with love, the waiting, the uncertainty, the phone call that changed everything, the days in the hospital, the quiet moments, the sleepless nights, the first smiles, the questions from others… and the answers we slowly found as we walked this road.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
Grateful to have you here, heart to heart.
Melli
