When we finally made the decision to grow our family, the first thing I did was look into adoption through the state, what’s known as foster care adoption.During that search, I came across the ChildNet website and was able to register us for an informational session for prospective adoptive parents that would take place the following month.
During that month, I dedicated time to reading and learning more about how the process worked. I also started looking up success stories online. Maybe because most of what you hear about foster care is difficult or negative, but I came across beautiful stories from families who had gone through the process, stories that filled me with hope.
The session was scheduled on a weekday afternoon. We left our daughter with my parents and, with a lot of uncertainty, got in the car and drove about 40 minutes to the meeting location. When we arrived, we walked into a large room with a U-shaped table and a big screen. Other couples were already seated, so we sat down and waited.
A few minutes later, a social worker walked in, introduced herself, and started the presentation.
The first thing she explained was what it meant to be part of the foster care adoption. and how it worked.
The best way I can explain it is that foster care adoption. is a system through which the government places children, who for various reasons have been removed from their biological parents, into temporary care. That care can last anywhere from a few days to several years, depending on the situation, the involvement of the biological parents, and whether the state determines they are fit to continue raising their child.
During this temporary care, children live with foster parents, and there are basically two types of placements. Some children need short-term care and are likely to be reunited with their biological parents once they meet the state’s requirements. Others may be considered for adoption, meaning there is a high chance the court will eventually make them legally available for adoption.
Because of this, people interested in becoming foster parents can choose to be either just foster parents (providing temporary care) or foster-to-adopt parents.The latter means caring for a child with the hope and intention of adopting them if the opportunity arises. That was the option we were looking for.
Even though children placed in foster-to-adopt parents.situations are the ones most likely to be adopted, there’s always a possibility the state will decide that reunification with their biological parents is in the child’s best interest.
One thing that really caught my attention was how common it is for sibling groups to enter the system together. The moment I heard that, my heart skipped a beat and I started imagining the possibility of having three… maybe even four children. Suddenly, my fears faded a little, and the idea of adopting a group of siblings seemed beautiful.
Another thing they explained was that most adoptions through the foster care system are of children two years old and up. It’s rare, though not impossible, to adopt a baby through foster care. The main goal of the system is always to reunite children with their biological parents or, if not possible, with another biological relative. This process can take time, and during that time, children are usually cared for by foster parents.
The idea of becoming a foster parent stayed with me from that day on, it’s been in my heart and mind. But it wasn’t what we were looking for at that time. Maybe one day we’ll explore it, but I know I need to prepare myself emotionally, because while my heart is ready to welcome a child who needs a temporary home… it’s not ready for the moment when someone comes to take them back.
At the end of the session, the social worker gave us a summary of everything discussed and a small list of agencies they worked with for the home study process..
And to our surprise, our agency…the same one we had used for our daughter’s adoption was on that list.
As expected, I didn’t waste time. The next day I called them to schedule a meeting, and two weeks later, on a Tuesday in May, exactly three years after our first meeting we were walking through those doors once again.
That day, we had two meetings. The first one was to talk about foster care adoption, and the second was with our social worker to begin the home study process..
In the first meeting, we talked about the differences between foster care and private adoption. We shared what we were looking for. We knew that adopting a child under two years old through the foster system was unlikely. And while we understood that, we also knew we didn’t want our next child to be older than our daughter, who at that time was two and a half. We wanted her to remain the big sister.
During the conversation, the topic of domestic infant adoption came up. I was honest and shared my fears, some of them may have sounded silly, but I was afraid that the second time around we wouldn’t be as lucky as we were the first time. We also talked about our concerns, especially financial ones. The reality was that we weren’t in the same financial situation as three years ago.
But they talked to us about grants,adoption loans, and even the possibility of doing a crowdfunding campaign.They also explained that because we were already parents, the process might take a bit longer this time, about two years. That gave us time to prepare, emotionally and financially.
By the end of the meeting, we had applied for both paths: foster care adoption and private domestic infant adoption. The home study process. we were about to start would work for both. The main differences between the two paths were the waiting time and the financial cost.
And that’s how our new journey began… the journey toward our second child.
Grateful to have you here, heart to heart.
Melli
